life on a stratovolcano ^{oshima edition}

7:20 - Alarm goes off. Wakes me up from “very good” dream. I get angry. Reset alarm for 7:30.

7:30 - Alarm goes off again. Reset alarm for 7:50.

7:35 - Wake up and realize that was a very bad idea, since I had to be at work by 8:00. Reset alarm for 7:41.

7:41 - Roll over, check up on all the lives of my friends around the world on my iPod. Pull myself off of my futon, promptly fall over due to non-functional right leg. Throw on the same clothes from yesterday.

7:42 - Stumble over to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

7:42 - Decide that I’m too lazy to put my contacts in. Put glasses on instead. Realize I haven’t done laundry in weeks when I’m forced to put on a pair of running shorts as underwear.

7:45 - Survey the Hell that is my apartment. Note to self: clean up when you get home.

7:45-7:50 - Stare into space, trying to figure out what the hell I’m supposed to be doing right now.

7:55 - Grab wallet, iPod, cell phone, exit house.

7:55 - Get on bike. Realize I forgot my helmet and keys. Re-enter house. Grab helmet and keys.

7:56 - Get on bike. Realize I forgot my laptop. Re-enter house. Forget why I re-entered the house.

7:57 - Remember why I re-entered house. Grab laptop. Exit house. Forgot helmet inside again. Say “fuck it” and jump in my car instead. Wave to the music teacher as she sprints out the door (we are both equally late or early every day; I think she does it on purpose).

8:00 - Arrive at school. Forget to say “Good Morning” to the security guard. He shouts it angrily at me after I get into the foyer. Remove shoes. Run upstairs.

8:01 - Enter the office. Everyone glares at me for being a minute late.

8:01-8:10 - Make coffee. Drink said coffee. Stare into space until my English teacher arrives.

8:10 - English teacher arrives. I inform him that I’m going to need the Language Lab. English teacher freaks out because I didn’t tell him until today. Enter Schadenfreude.

8:15 - English teacher informs me that he’s secured the Language Lab. I realize that I will be paying for this in passive-aggressivity for weeks. Oh well.

8:15-8:20 - Realize that I’m missing the monthly “outside” morning meeting. There is a surprising lack of “caring” in me at the moment.

8:20-8:30 - Sit at my desk listening to music.

8:30 - Enter language lab. 25 students are waiting for me. I boot up the computer. Nothing happens.

8:31 - Flip the circuit breaker — the Language Lab activates. Turn on computer. Little flashing light starts blinking. “Doh.”

8:31-8:38 - Try to get the computer working. Epic failure.

8:38 - Students looking bored and frustrated. English teacher looks to be wanting to eat me alive. Run downstairs, grab my computer, run back upstairs, try to splice my computer into the projector.

8:39 - Fail.

8:40 - Limp down the stairs, grab the first worksheet I see off of my desk. It’s a cypher puzzle.

8:40 - Dash across the hall to the copy room. Boot up copy machine. Wait.

8:42 - Copy machine boots up. Set to 25 copies. Copy machine starts spitting out paper that looks nothing even remotely like the worksheet I made. Stop copy machine. Grab random teacher in the room and gesture wildly at it. He fixes it.

8:43 - Copy machine prints the copies. I realize that I have the cypher’s answers on the worksheet. Cover it up and start over.

8:44 - Copy machine gives error in Japanese. Fuck. Change to slow copy machine. Machine prints 8 pages, and then stops, giving another error. I reach over to the inside of it to grab my paper, and toner spills all over my hands. Gets all over everything. Start making copies again with the other slow machine.

8:47 - Copies finish. Run upstairs, copies in hand, smearing toner all over everything I touch. Enter Language Lab and remove shoes. English Teacher does not look amused. Students are laughing hysterically. I pass out the copies.

8:50 - Students start arriving at parts of the code which aren’t visible due to the copy machine. I make stuff up. Teacher is not amused.

8:50-9:10 - Students work diligently, actually having quite a bit of fun. Teacher relaxes. I think back over my “wonderful” morning.

9:11 - Students leave. I apologize to English Teacher. English Teacher’s words of “No problem! It’s really okay!” belie the seething hatred of all things Tyler in his eyes.

9:13 - Return to the office. Zone out. Listen to music. Study Kanji.

10:00 - Other English Teacher comes up to my desk. Informs me in no uncertain terms that my schedule change that I made where I blow off one class so that I can have five days off in a row instead of two is “ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, NOT OKAY.” I nod my head, act like everything’s peachy, and silently plot my passive-aggressive revenge.

10:13 - Check e-mail. Begin writing blog entries.

11:01 - Take a break to buy lunch. Realize that the bento store has already been called, and I’m going to have to go get my own. Shoot the shit with other teachers for a while.

11:15 - Return. Write this. Wonder what the hell else is in store for me today.

Stay tuned.